


Bittersweet (Angel!AU)

by bakatenshi, Shukara



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Bottom!Haru, Love, M/M, slight gore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-23
Updated: 2015-02-23
Packaged: 2018-03-14 19:27:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3422816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bakatenshi/pseuds/bakatenshi, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shukara/pseuds/Shukara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They were supposed to meet but before that can happen, something happens to Rin. </p>
<p>Warnings: Some descriptions are a little gory and character death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The last memory that Rin had of his living life was texting Haru and telling him that he would see him again soon. After that, the train went off of the rails and Rin was engulfed in darkness. Hours later, he was watching rescue workers digging his lifeless, massacred body out of the wreckage with countless others.

"Matsuoka Rin. That Olympic hopeful that was in the news not long ago? Damn… Kid had his whole life ahead of him too, fucking shame mate." They’d been talking about him and Rin didn’t realize that until the heavy wings on his back registered in his mind. From then on, he followed his body and was there when he was flown back to Japan.

Closed casket was necessary. Rin’s head had been cracked open like an eggshell and there had been partial brain matter mixed with dirt and oil from the train. Glass was still embedded in his face and down his right side, but it was the left eye that was missing. Rin could barely look at himself even while his mother and sister had to be there to identify his body.

In his confusion, it wasn’t until he was sitting on the casket during the funeral that it finally hit him that he was dead. Rin Matsuoka was actually, fully, completely dead and there was nothing that he could do about it. The redheaded angel wept quietly, seeing Sousuke and Makoto as well as the two teams there to mourn his unexpected passing. His mother cried the entire time and his sister did her best to be strong but Rin could see her crumbling easily. It made his stomach hurt and his chest tighten. He didn’t want them to upset about this…

But there was one that he wanted to see the most and that was Haru.

Rin stood with a flutter of ivory feathers and searched the chapel for his friend. If there was one thing he regretted, it was the fact that he couldn’t fulfill his promise to see Haru again. Well, this way didn’t count, did it?

"Haru?" He called out the best he could but Rin didn’t think that his voice would ever reach Haru’s ears again. It did bother him. "Haru! Please… please talk to me, say my name, anything. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have gotten on the train that day. I should have stayed home and just slept in. I… I should have done a lot of things but I didn’t. Haru!" Standing in the middle of the chapel, Rin cried out for his friend, hoping that somehow someone would hear him.

Rin had never felt so alone in his existence.

-

This wasn’t really happening right? It was a dream right? Haru stood with his cell phone to his ear in disbelief at what Makoto had just told him. It wasn’t true, clearly he must be hallucinating. How could Rin, Rin of all people? Rin who had his whole life and his dreams ahead of him. How could he be gone? Haru sighed heavily as he felt his face grow wet, it felt warm and wet as he reached up to see what was causing it, soon realizing it was his own tears.

The phone slowly slide to the floor as he fell to his knees. He was going to tell him. They were supposed to meet up soon. He had finally gotten up the nerve and now? Now he would never be able to let him know. Now it would be forever buried in the depths of his heart where it had been almost his entire life.

*

It was still unreal, it was still too cruel. It was still not fair. It hurt. Nothing had ever hurt quite like this. Losing his grandma was easier than this, at least she had lived a long life. At least she had dreams that came true. At least she was able to love… Haru bit his lip as he stared at the coffin in his utter disbelief. Rin was not in there, he told himself over and over again.

But he knew, he knew that wasn’t true. He saw the news and he heard what everyone said and he wanted to see for himself because he couldn’t get it through his head that Rin was really gone. He simply can’t be. He was so full of life. He light up a room like no one else ever had. He was it. He was that one person that Haru wanted to be with. Wanted to kiss. Wanted to hug. Wanted to do all the stupid things you do with someone you love.

But he hadn’t even told him he loved him. Haru didn’t want to show emotions in front of others and Haru was usually good at hiding it but this time, Haru was too damn devastated to care what others thought.

His friends tried to comfort him. They tried to give him words that were supposed to make him feel better but no words would make Rin come back to him. No words would ever be enough, at least not this soon.

-

Right near Haru, Momo and Seijuro were standing and watching the area. Gou had picked pallbearers in Makoto, Haru, Seijuro, Sousuke, Nagisa, and Rei. She was gathering them all together near the end of the ceremony, not noticing her brother’s spirit watching them closely. “Alright, let’s get him moved to the hearse…”

Momo, in his excitement, grinned and went to hug Gou, wanting to comfort her. In his movement, the redhead managed to nudge the casket with his hip. Rin watched in slight horror as the top of the wooden box opened and his body dumped out onto the floor. In the flurry of movement, Rin couldn’t tell if his body had hit Haru or not but his stomach dropped in pure dread.

His mother screamed. Sousuke was grabbing Momo with Seijuro and moving him out of the way, while Gou took a step back, looking sick. Rin’s body wasn’t a nice sight, it was still battered and quite bruised with his limbs in awkward angles. “No… No, don’t let them see that! God dammit, Momo.” Rin could have screamed but he didn’t, going through Sousuke and causing his friend to shiver while he headed to Haru’s side.

Several others were gasping and there were low murmurs when they saw what he looked like. Rin’s mother was in tears, her sobs being pulled violently from her body as she knelt to touch her son’s head. “My baby… my beautiful son, what happened to you? Did you feel it? Oh god… please send my angel back to us…” Wherever he was laying, she pulled him to her chest, crying on his corpse while Makoto stood frozen with a near-sick look on his face.

-

Haru was gathered around with all of the other pallbearers, he wanted to be there for Rin in the last way he could, plus Kou had chosen him as one. He didn’t have the heart to refuse anything like this and he didn’t want to anyway. However he still had trouble believing that it wasn’t all a nightmare.

Momo was out of control and Haru felt anger for a moment at him but was also soon horrified and devastated more than before because the mangled body was clearly Rin. He was almost unrecognizable. Haru knew that red hair well though and it was also clear it was him because of his mother clinging to him for dear life.

Haru was in some daze as he walked a little closer, staring in his disbelief and reaching out to touch the red hair as if he needed that to truly believe this wasn’t sleeping. It was real and in all irony the hair was soft. Damn it.

Haru seemed frozen as one of his friends seemed to be pulling him away from Rin because they were trying to get him back into the coffin. Rin was the one in that coffin and Haru could no longer deny that fact as fresh tears fell from his eyes.

He pulled himself away from whomever it was that was trying to control him but he wasn’t paying enough attention to the person to even know who they were. He didn’t care. Nothing seem to matter anymore. It all seemed so trivial.

Haru wanted to leave. Like his old self that was always leaving. Always going home. He wanted to shut the world away for a while. He stayed though. He stayed for the Matsuokas but mostly he stayed for Rin. He didn’t want to regret more than he already did.

-

Seeing his own body was surreal and it was even worse knowing that his mother was seeing him like this. What he did catch sight of was Sousuke walking over to her, barely noticing Haru, and trying to convince her to let his body go. “You need to let him rest. Come on… let’s put him back in the bed, right?”

Sousuke had to talk to his mother as if he were still there to get her to give an almost unseen nod. The woman sobbed softly as she laid him down, stepping away from Rin’s body while Makoto was doing his best to pull Haru from their friend. “Haru.. Haru listen, it’s alright, everything’s going to be okay. Rin wouldn’t want you to cry like this, just… stay here and we can give him a proper burial, okay?”

Makoto’s soft voice in combination with the sight of Sousuke picking up Rin’s corpse had the angel’s tears falling just like Haru’s. He could see Sousuke’s trembling arms and the way his eyes watered when he laid Rin back in the righted coffin. Seijuro and Rei had put it back into place for him, making it easier for Sousuke to gently lay Rin down.

What surprised him further was seeing Sousuke press his forehead to his. “Sleep, brother. You don’t have to worry about a thing, we’ll be alright.” Sousuke’s wavering voice and the way he reverently closed the casket again had Rin covering his mouth as his heart broke.

"No.. No I have a lot to worry about, Sousuke! Look at all of you. I…" Rin found himself gravitating toward Haru and standing in front of him while Sousuke was helping Rin’s mother to her feet. "Haru please, please look at me. Tell me you see me, anything…" He reached out to try and touch Haru’s cheek but almost whimpered when he went through him. Rin wanted to scream.

"Haru, look at me," Makoto whispered. "Come on. Don’t you want to give Rin your present? We can open his casket and put it in his hand, okay? It was something special wasn’t it?" Rin didn’t know what Makoto was talking about but he wanted to see some kind of emotion in Haru’s eyes other than hurt and despair. It was breaking his heart, it was so intense that Rin was almost certain he could feel it rolling off of Haru’s body.

-

Haru was so focused on Rin at first that he didn’t hear Makoto trying to get him to calm. Haru wanted none of that, he knew his friend meant well but this was not what he needed right now. His tears were not something he could shut off like a faucet of water and he knew Rin of all people would understand because the adorable idiot had always cried so easily.

Ironically, Haru smiled at the memory of Rin and his tears. He was such a caring friend and he always had been. He was always so good at waking Haru up and pushing him in a way no one else seemed to be able to. Rin had saved him even when he hit a low back in high school when he’d been confused about his future.

Haru snapped out of it as Makoto was talking of a present. How did he even know about it? Had Haru told him? In his current state of mind, he couldn’t answer that question and at this point it just didn’t matter. He took the painting he’d made of Rin from his pocket and stared at it. Rin has never seen the things Haru had drawn of him. He had an entire sketchbook of nothing but Rin. But this one was special because it was a painting of Rin in his beloved pool of cherry blossoms. All because he had been an adorable romantic idiot. Haru sighed as he approached the casket where Rin once more laid and placed it at his side.

In the mist of all that was happening, Haru reached out and touched his own cheek. For some reason, he’d felt something and it had momentarily caused his heart to race. It almost felt like Rin was there for a moment but clearly he was hallucinating because Rin was in the coffin that he wasn’t far from.

"If only I could’ve told you." Haru muttered softly almost under his breath as he once more heard Makoto. Haru backed up and sat down in a pew at the back of the room. He wanted to be alone but he didn’t feel right just leaving. Things would probably need to settle before they took the casket to Rin’s grave. It was right next to his dad. Haru remembered Rin speaking fondly of him. He must’ve been his hero or something.

Rin would’ve met up with him today. Haru realized as it dawned on him what day it was. He sighed heavily. “I wanted to tell you today….”

-

Seeing Haru so upset wasn’t something Rin liked and neither did Makoto. Their gentle friend was doing all he could to keep Haru from falling into despair but it was clearly not working. Rin didn’t think it was going to work at all and if Sousuke’s presence barely had Haru responding? Almost nothing would…

Rin watched Haru put something in the casket with his body and looked at it, it was truly a beautiful piece to behold. The painting looked out of place next to Rin’s mangled body but there was nothing that could be done about it now. He almost sobbed, hearing his mother still crying into Sousuke’s chest nearby. At the same time, Rin wanted to touch them all, get their attention and just scream that he was there so that they could each go on with their lives.

But that couldn’t happen. He brushed one of the heavy, ivory wings against Sousuke’s wounded shoulder, making the large boy shiver at the touch. His own eyes were brought back to Haru and how he was acting, touching his cheek and it dawned on Rin.

Haru had felt that.

Haru had felt that!

Rin’s eyes lit up and he tried to keep himself from getting his hopes too high. That was a dangerous thing and he wanted nothing more than to do it again. When Haru went to the last bench in the row, Rin passed by Makoto when he started speaking to Rei and Nagisa a moment later.

"Told me? Haru, what did you want to tell me today?" This was breaking his heart further. He wanted to learn what secret Haru held and he wanted to know more than anything. Rin reached out once again to touch Haru’s cheeks with both hands, his wings spreading out to encompass Haru. "Please… tell me, Haru. I want to know, I’m here now with you, just like I said. I wanted to see you alive and whole not… just a piece of wreckage from a train. I beg you, you idiot, just tell me!" His voice cracked slightly and Rin found it hard to say anything further, a sob breaking through him to join the rest that were filling the room.


	2. Chapter 2

As Haru sat there, he sighed heavily. This wasn’t what Rin deserved. Rin deserved to have his Olympic dreams. Rin deserved everything his stupid romantic heart desired. Rin deserved it all. But it was all too late and it was really hard not to dwell on that fact. Especially after seeing how he must’ve suffered right before he died. Haru hoped he didn’t remember the pain wherever he was now.

Haru got a strange feeling again but this time it was on both cheeks and the it also felt as if he was being surrounded…but there was nothing there. He was far enough from others that he was sure no one could hear him. Was he going crazy or was this really…?

"Rin?" Haru couldn’t see anything or hear anything but he sure as hell felt it - like it was almost consuming him and pleading with him somehow. "Rin…Rin if that is really you…?" Haru placed a hand over his cheek and closed his eyes. It made the feeling that Rin was there even more intense somehow. It wasn’t how water made him feel, it was altogether different yet it made just as many if not more emotions rise in him.

He felt compelled to say what he wanted to say because maybe this was some weird second chance to get it off his chest or maybe he was simply losing it. Whatever it was, Haru was somehow sure that it really was him.

"I lo—" Haru whispered but before he could finish, Nagisa interrupted him.

"Haru-chan, they are ready now to take Rin to the cemetery."

-

Rin hated seeing Haru so upset. It broke his heart and he wanted nothing more than to try and help him. This was even worse now that he couldn’t do anything, if he could be heard, Rin would have tried teasing the raven but now? Well there was next to nothing that could have been said or done.

Until Haru said his name. “Yes! Yes, Haru it’s me. I…” But then Haru seemed to doubt that it was him. Maybe he was just feeling his presence and nothing else? That could probably help somehow if Rin knew how to do anything with that. The hand over his own had Rin trying to weave their fingers together but it didn’t seem to be working too well.

Right when Haru was going to tell him, Nagisa had to interrupt. Rin had never wanted to throw something at Nagisa’s head more than he had in that moment. “God dammit, Nagisa, could you have worse timing? Jeeeze…” Rin shook his head and sighed loudly before standing and touching Haruka’s cell phone. At least he thought it was Haru’s phone, it could have been Makoto’s.

He tried to power it up but found that it didn’t want to. Rin concentrated on the phone as long and hard as he could until he managed to make it respond. On the screen was a text message but he couldn’t tell what the conversation was about. Right as he was attempting to put a message on there, Nagisa had come closer to try and took Haru’s hand.

Instead, one of the songs that Rin had them put for his ringtone came up, the familiar tones of MitiS’ Life of Sin beginning to play. Rin just grinned and looked back at Haru, hoping that the freestylist would understand his hint. The phone looked broken and one word showed up: Dolphin.

Up at the altar, the others were gathering around the casket to move their friend with Sousuke at the head on the right side. They were all just waiting for Haru to come over.

-

Haru sighed because Nagisa at that moment had the worse timing but he didn’t have a way to know that so Haru let it go. He was annoyed as the blond coerced him to move and stop dragging his feet. However, that song - that ringtone he knew all too well. It was Rin’s. Haru looked down at his phone which he could’ve sworn he’d left off and in fact it wasn’t normal for him to have it but that was the last place he’d heard Rin’s voice. That phone call was the last tine he would ever be able to talk to Rin…unless he really had been there a moment ago.

Haru looked down at the screen but didn’t show on his face how the word on the screen made him feel. “It was you…” Haru whispered as he smiled with only his eyes staring at the phone.

Nagisa was soon pulling him away, Haru sighed looking around like he would really see Rin there somewhere but he was sadly mistaken on that assumption and sighed sadly. “I’ll tell you later…” Haru muttered as he placed his phone into his jacket pocket. Wearing a suit was stuffy and slightly uncomfortable.

As everyone gathered finally, the casket was carried to the grave site and soon they were watching as Rin was lowered into the ground right next to his dad. Haru was sure he would be happy with his burial place at least.

_I really want to tell him how I feel._ Perhaps Haru could lag behind and speak to Rin the same way Rin had when he visited this very sight? That is just what he did, waiting till everyone left even thought he had to shoo Makoto off. He seemed to think Haru needed to just go home but Haru refused. 

He was soon alone at Rin’s grave and he sat down next to his tombstone and once more he cried and found it easier to let it all out because finally no one was around to see or bother him in his private moment.

-

Rin wanted to punt Nagisa into outer space but he was certain that the blond would have enjoyed that a little too much. He grumbled and walked with Haru toward his casket before he sat down on the wood again. He brushed off the imaginary dirt from the white suit pants he had on.

He watched his body being lowered into the ground right next to his father and Gou finally ended up breaking down with their mother. Rin wasn’t proud of that, he hated knowing he’d broken their hearts. They were starting to trickle away from the site and Rin had fully expected that afterward. He hadn’t expected Haru to actually stay there and cry.

The redhead just frowned and hugged Haru the best that he could manage, trying to comfort him. “You can always tell me. I’m going to try my best and stay with you for as long as I can manage. I… I don’t know if you’ll ever see me but I hope that you will someday. At least just talk to me whenever you’re alone.”

There was one good thing about that day, the sun was shining. It was Rin’s favorite weather, a bright sun, a gentle breeze, and a clear sky with pillow-like clouds. It was always when Rin was happiest but storms still terrified him even as he got older and knew they were usually harmless. Somehow, this still reminded Rin of a storm, especially with how the flowers made things so much darker.

He was happy he hadn’t told Sousuke to give him a Viking’s funeral now that he was actually dead. The big puppy would have done it too or at least fought for it. Rin tried touching Haru’s face again and frowned at how easy it was to go through him. “Haru please, just… it’s okay. You can tell me now, alright?”

-

As he’d cried, he got that feeling again but this time, this time Haru swore it somehow smelled like Rin too. It was weird but comforting just the same and it somehow felt as if Rin was enveloping him somehow.

"Rin?" Haru muttered softly as his tears finally seem to be coming to an end yet at the same time his heart ached painfully because of missing his dear friend. "I never told you how I feel." Haru started once more glad that no one could interrupt him this time. "I've loved you…since I was young…" Haru sighed heavily, "I wish you really were here and I wish I could’ve told you and…"

What was the point of this? It somehow seemed silly but somehow also made him feel better, as if a weight was rising from his shoulders. “I wish a lot of things that will never happen now…” But then again, a lot of that would’ve relied heavily on Rin having mutual feelings and what were the chances of that?

Haru knew it was futile and he was probably just wasting his time but he didn’t really care. As he started walking home, he watched the night sky close and wondered where Rin was now? Where do people go when they die, especially so abruptly? Was it really to heaven or did they just roam the earth forever? Why was he even thinking this?

Haru wondered why he was going crazy, clearly something was wrong because he kept feeling Rin near. Was it because of how bad he missed him? Was it because he longed to hold him so bad? Was it because of how his heart felt like it was in the pit of his stomach?


	3. Chapter 3

Rin hated that train. He hated whatever threw it off of the tracks and he felt his throat seize. He wanted to scream and cry with Haru but his eyes weren’t producing tears anymore. Haru loved him… Haru, the boy that only swam free truly loved him but never got to tell him while he was alive.

He followed Haru toward his home, wanting to try and get his attention. He tried waving his hand in front of Haru’s face and gave a little whimper. The phone trick probably wouldn’t work again, Rin wouldn’t be surprised if Haru would have thought that it was broken or malfunctioning.

He ran his hands over Haru’s shoulders and reached around to touch his chest, trying his best to hold on while they were traveling. Rin went on ahead of Haru and stared at his house for a bit. It was so cold and impersonal but clearly lived in, it was in that moment Rin realized that he was going to be attached to Haru until the raven died as well.

A part of him, a large part, prayed that Haru would live a full life. He went on and began messing with whatever he could until he saw the sound system in the living room. Oh the things he could do with that… Rin did his best to power it on, knowing that whatever ‘power’ he did have was likely still not the best.

What he did manage to get playing was pretty goddamn convenient and Rin was grinning because it really was something that he would listen to when thinking of Haru. He looked back to the door he thought Haru would come through and just smiled, hoping that Haru would understand. The hopeful and expectant look on his face was likely never going to be seen, but Rin had to believe that Haru would understand when the song began playing for him.

-

As he walked home, he felt something again. This time it almost felt like Rin was trying to feel him up. Clearly that wouldn’t happen. Haru was pretty sure it really was Rin he felt before and now or he was just plain nuts. Maybe he was just delusional because of his sorrow and maybe he would get over it.

The sensation soon went away and he felt more alone than before as he made his way home. He opened the door that he has once again failed to lock and heard a song come on out of no where.

Haru followed the sound into his living room. Wasn’t this a song Rin sometimes listened to? Was Rin really here? Haru ran his hand over the stereo as the song played, reminencing about the good times.

Swimming with Rin, having sleepovers, having stupid challenges all the time and pushing each other like no one else could. Haru missed it all. He recalled the trip to Australia before Rin had gone back over there for college. Rin had said he admired Haru and it had almost felt like Rin was confessing more than admiration. Haru kind of wished he would’ve said something back then but he hadn’t been very cheerful on that trip. He’d been down and worried about his future.

As the song came to an end, Haru made his way upstairs to his room so he could shed the suit he’d had to wear to the funeral. Hanging it in his closet, he felt like bathing. He often did that or swam to lighten his mood. As he grabbed a pair of boxers from the closet, Haru made his way back down the stairs to start filling the tub. As he watched the water flow into it, he slowly removed the boxers he’d been wearing. Completely naked, he slipped into the water and sighed, this made him feel more at ease but his mind was still racing with thoughts just the same.

-

Damn… Rin had hoped that it was going to work but it seemed that Haru hadn’t gotten the hint on what he was trying to say. Somehow that wasn’t even surprising since Rin had the feeling that the lyrics were what threw him off. The redhead sighed and just let the stereo system turn itself off as Haru had walked up the stairs.

For a moment, it had felt to him like Haru had noticed just what was going on. Rin thought that for now he might have to deal with just waiting until Haru could maybe see him. He almost prayed for that kind of thing to happen but not if it meant Haru’s life coming to an end. That would break Rin’s heart into a million pieces, moreso than it was already.

He followed Haru to the bathroom, blushing at the sight of the raven being naked, but finding himself just sitting on the small ledge that was near Haru’s head. “Rude butt.” Rin sighed and put his head on his knees, holding them close to his chest.

"I should have told you a long time ago that I loved you. You know… I think it was back when we swam that first relay together that I knew you were the one for me. Your were graceful and just beautiful when you were swimming, it was like watching the sun rise for the first time." Rin stared at his feet, sighing at himself and reaching down to touch the water, surprised that it actually moved with his fingers.

"Haru? I hope one day you can see me naturally but until the day you die, I’m not leaving you. I want to see you have a family and fall in love with someone that’ll take care of you. I mean… I’d suggest Sousuke but I don’t know if he even swings that way. He’s a giant puppy really and you guys might even be friends or something. I just… I want all the best for you, Haru. It’s not fair knowing that my death is hurting you so much like this."

-

Haru leaned back in the tub after he had lowered himself into the water, still rather grief stricken and worn out after such a trying day. He knew just how to relax and he was grateful at times like this to live alone. No one would see.

He sighed as he closed his eyes and pictured Rin in his mind, smiling softly to himself. He remembered his smile and how soft his skin had been when the idiot had clung to him so many times. It was like his shoulder was property of Rin. Haru brushed a hand through his hand and softly groaned as his thoughts went on.

He remembered watching Rin closer than he really should have but not being able to help it because he was so attracted to him. It wasn’t necessarily just lust because his heart was so set on Rin. It always had been.

What would he do now? Live alone forever? Maybe take the strays in so he would have company indoors. Haru sighed again at that and tried to think of happier thoughts.

He thought of the sleepover they had had as kids and the one when they were older. Rin had been really adorable both times. Haru remembers how his heart had ached when he’d found out Rin was going to Australia the first time, it was not as profound as the way it did now.

He cleared his mind again at that because he didn’t want to feel that pain, he needed to get it off his mind, which is exactly what he did. However, his method might seem odd or inappropriate to most but he’d done it time and again already so it was like second nature by now.

He thought of how Rin had looked showering after joint practice, unlike Haru, the redhead hadn’t left his swimsuit on. Haru did that far less now that he was a little more mature. His hand slipped down beneath the water as he let his mind wander off. His sorrow forgotten for the time being as his head was slowly thrown back. He panted as he found himself wishing Rin was there. He would never be able to touch him in intimate ways like this and that was just one more thing to add to his long laundry list of regrets. He softly groaned Rin’s name as he got all worked up.

-

With how quiet it was in there, Rin didn’t quite notice what it was that was going on. He was too busy staring at his own feet silently and keeping his eyes closed. It was really a bit strange to just be sitting there with Haru like this and ended up just opening his eyes long enough to glance at Haru when he realized that the other was doing… something.

It took a second for it to register and Rin almost screamed. “Sweet god! Haru! What the hell are you doing?! Jeeze, have some decenc—…” That was until he heard the other’s voice and froze. Was Haru masturbating to him? It was so strange to see something like that and it had Haru wondering if he were actually seeing and hearing that.

He was silent and watched Haru pleasure himself before Rin moved to the thin edge of the bathtub, sitting there and watching Haru closely. He wasn’t supposed to be watching like this but he was truly curious to see Haru like this. “Well… if I’ll never experience intimacy with you then I guess this is alright too,” he whispered.

Rin dipped his fingers into the water and prayed that it would make some kind of movement with his touch. He just wanted Haru to know he was there in some way. Hell, he couldn’t even find it in himself to be aroused by knowing Haru wanted to do that with him. Now? …Well, it was just never going to happen unless Haru felt like digging his body up and violating it, lost eye and brain matter included.

-

Haru at some point wondered if he had been hallucinating all this time or if Rin really was there because even as he got himself off, even now he could swear he felt Rin’s presence.

He shuddered softly as he moaned out Rin’s name again but it soon grew quiet once he was finished. He leaned back closing his eyes and smiling softly as he continued to wonder if Rin was with him right now.

You would think he may be alarmed at what Rin had just witnessed if he was near but not Haru, he wasn’t one to worry over such details. He never had been and it might be part of his odd charm.

"Rin. Are you here?" Haru spoke as he sat up slightly looking around the room and wishing he could see Rin, at least he had felt him earlier (it even seemed so while he had been pleasuring himself at one point.)

Haru chuckled at that thought but also felt a bit sad at the fact that he could never do such things with Rin. He couldn’t even hug him or kiss him. Nothing. Haru sighed heavily. “I should’ve told you a long time ago…”

-

Rin shivered when he heard his name moaned like that, lowering his head for a moment to try and keep himself under control. “S-shit Haru.” This was the hottest thing he could see and Rin hated the fact that he was peeping. Then again, dead did have a small advantage.

"Yeah… yeah I’m here." He let one of his wings dip into the water, knowing Haru may never be able to see the way it rippled. Rin doubted Haru would ever see him and that thought was enough to make him whimper softly. "You should have, you jerk… At least then I could have told you that I love you."

He sighed and shook his head. There wasn’t much of anything he could say about it anymore. Hell, he couldn’t even say it to Haru’s face. It wasn’t as if he could even see Haru at all. Rin dipped his hand into the water, humming at the warmth of it. He didn’t care what was in the water, it was just calming, making Rin smile softly.

"I’d love to just, you know, be like that angel that just gets to follow you everywhere and stuff. It’d be nice to kind of just protect you. I don’t even know what type of angel I even am. I just hope one day you’ll see me and we’ll be okay again…"


	4. Chapter 4

For some reason, Haru could picture Rin with angel wings because he had been such a sweetheart when he was alive. His charming smile stole Haru’s heart when he was just a boy. He smiled at that memory as he climbed from the tub after draining the water. He felt as if he walked through someone as he did so, Rin? Had he really been there this whole time? Had he seen that? Had he really? Haru smiled even at the idea of being watched by Rin though being able to touch him would be better, Or just feel him like he could swear he had already a few times… like just now.

"Sometimes Rin, I swear I can feel you…." He spoke aloud in hopes that Rin would hear him if he really was here. Haru couldn’t help constantly questioning himself over all this because it just…it had felt so damn real!

As he draped a small white towel around his waist, Haru took another and dried his hair as he made his way to his room and plopped down on his bed. He couldn’t stop thinking about him and all the regrets he now had because of losing him like this. He felt stupid to assume Rin would always be around. Sure, he had been a plane ride away but that was still a possibility. Death, well it was just too …final.

One lone tear trailed down his cheek as he shed his towels on the ground and curled up in the security of his blanket. It was as if he was hiding from the world which at the moment was all he wanted to do.

-

When Haru got out of the water, Rin could feel something strange when they passed through one another. He couldn’t quite explain it but for himself it was electric, like a zap of lightning had gone through his body, it was so nice. He almost felt alive for a moment but then the feeling went away as soon as it had come.

Rin heard him say that and almost sobbed happily. “I’m glad you can,” he whispered to the room. He knew his words would fall on deaf ears but it was still so nice. 

Following him upstairs, Rin sat near Haru’s head and touched his hair silently, watching him crying. It was terrible and he wished more than anything that Haru could see him. It was heartbreaking and Rin could do no more than sigh as he wrapped ivory wings around Haru’s bed to keep him safe.

He found himself humming a tune to Haru, one that he didn’t even know he knew, but it felt appropriate. It felt right to sing to Haru and try to comfort him even if it were in vain. He stopped just for a moment and glanced down at Haru, his eyes watering for almost the millionth time that day. “I know you can’t hear me but I love you, Haru. I’ll stay here with you for as long as you need me, even if you tell me to go, I’ll protect you. You deserve that much.”

-

As he laid there, Haru felt it again but for some reasons it seemed as if Rin was trying to make him feel better or maybe was trying to protect him. Haru hugged his pillow, wishing he could just hold Rin like he never had when he was alive. A long lingering hug where you don’t wish to let go, even if it would’ve been awkward. He softly chuckled thinking his thoughts were foolish because things like that were not possible anymore. In a way though, he could swear he felt as if Rin was hugging him but it was not something he could really explain.

Haru for some reason started humming a tune that seemed to pop into his head out of no where. It seemed to calm him, settle his heart a little. Maybe Rin was there in his own way somehow?

Haru pulled himself from the bed, pulled on some boxers and a t-shirt because he’d forgotten to put clothes on earlier. Haru reached under his bed and pulled out a sketchbook, he started drawing from his earlier thoughts. For some reason, he wanted to know what Rin would look like with wings.

He was so engrossed in it that it set him completely at ease after some time perhaps in the way water could. He stared at it when he was done, dragging a finger over the cheek of Rin on his drawing.

"You always were beautiful."

-

Somehow, Rin had thought that maybe Haru had heard him when he started humming. It was so strange but Rin just smiled at him over it. “If we can connect through music then… that’s okay too, you know. I’ll never be instant but I understand it.”

The redhead was so confused when he saw Haru getting up and moving around that Rin thought he was going somewhere. It wasn’t until he saw the sketchbook that Rin sat at Haru’s side, one wing around him. “Huh… I didn’t know that you could draw, Haru.”

Hell, he didn’t know a lot about Haru and it was painfully obvious the longer he was there. Hearing him say that broke his heart and made Rin frown as he rested his chin on his knee. Seeing Haru drawing him was surreal and it looked like Haru had gotten so many of the damn details right… Rin didn’t know what to think about it.

"This is gorgeous, Haru. I had no idea. I mean, you could have been the next Picasso or Van Gogh but then I just kept shoe horning you into swimming like that. You should do beautiful things like this, all the time, your visions are what the world needs to see."

-

"You know why I can draw you like this?" Haru hoped Rin could hear him as he spoke. "Because I always had my eyes on you every chance I got…" Haru smiled at the memory. "No one ever caught me looking either somehow…." Haru softly chuckled but it also had a sadness to it, the way he laughed. It was rather bittersweet.

"I remember when you stood at the front of my class, I was dumbfounded by the way my heart seemed to rise into my throat." Haru looked at the floor for a moment. "I swear I can feel you here somehow…just like you’ve always been in my heart but right now…if you are here……I’m glad." Haru sighed softly. "I just really need you right now…"

Haru rose from his bed and looked out the window, night had fallen by now and it was a clear sky outside. It was beautiful, the kind of night he would’ve loved to share with Rin by sitting on his porch and looking at it. Maybe they could’ve exchanged stories or just laid in each other’s arms as they looked up at it.

Now Haru chuckled in more joy than he had previously as he remembered how much Rin liked romantic things. "It will always be you." Haru was serious for now he felt strong in his heart that he could never love anyone the way he had always loved Rin.

-

Honestly, Rin didn’t know how he hadn’t noticed that either, usually he was pretty good at noticing that kind of thing. Now that he hadn’t, he was a little surprised. At the same time, it wasn’t as if he were all that upset about it though.

"Heh… I remember that was one of my favorite of school, probably the only one that I actually looked forward to leaving the house for," Rin recalled. He’d always woken up with a smile and got dressed as fast as he could to head on out. It was always something that had confused his mother but now, it was long gone.

Rin didn’t know when the sun had gone down but it felt like it had been only a few minutes that they’d been sitting there. He shifted toward the raven and glanced out with him, seeing how the moonlight was shimmering off of the ocean in the distance. Even now, Rin was sorely missing the water and the connection that it gave them.

"Please don’t say that, Haru. I don’t want you to stay on me like that, I want you to be happy more than anything. I would love to see you have children and turn into a still swimming old man, you know. Hell, maybe even chasing kids off your lawn with a pool noodle or something."

He rested his head on Haru’s shoulder and sighed slightly. There was little he could actually think of that he could do to help Haru. “Maybe… something might happen that you can see or hear me in your dreams then?”

-

There was still a strong sense of Rin’s presence that stayed with Haru as he looked out the window. He soon felt something at his shoulder that he simply knew had something to do with Rin.

"At least, at least at times, I can somehow sense you’re there." Haru spoke aloud by now pretty convinced that he wasn’t crazy and that by some miracle, Rin really was with him. "I can somehow feel you…"

Haru sighed softly, he laid down on his bed and covered up and he was more than ready to get sleep if it would come that is. He was almost afraid that if he slept, Rin would leave. He kept such thoughts to himself though finding them to be rather foolish to some extent.

"I remember the sleepovers. I remember how when we were young, you would cling to me in your sleep. I wish I could hold you even if it was only for a little while…." But then again, Haru wished a lot of things that were no longer possible…at least if he was realistic that is.

But feeling Rin near was giving him a small hope that maybe, just maybe something would happen to let him see Rin or hold him or just anything really. So far he had only sensed he was there and felt him a few times.

Was he being too greedy hoping for more? It was hard not to wish for things when he missed him so much, he hadn’t even been gone that long and Haru wasn’t sure if he would ever get over him. Or if that was even possible.

-

Rin watched Haru’s face while he stared out of the window and found himself a little amazed by how the moonlight was reflecting in Haru’s eyes. It was a beautiful sight and he couldn’t help the lovesick sigh that left him. Rin listened closely before blinking in surprise, he hadn’t expected Haru to say that, but he found that he was very happy.

"I’m glad you can because I don’t plan on leaving, Haru. I want to protect you and… maybe whatever God is out there knew that I wanted to do that, so if anything dangerous happens, I might be able to protect you. I don’t know yet if it works that way but I’ll do my best…"

The redhead wrapped his wings around Haru protectively as he laid down and placed his hand on Haru’s side. He didn’t want to hurt Haru and ended up laying behind him, awkwardly posing one wing over him instead. “You actually remember that? Holy shit that was a long time ago…”

Shaking his head, Rin had completely forgot that he couldn’t be heard and simply cuddled against Haru’s back. He loved Haru’s gentle scent and found himself wanting more and more of it. “That was because I knew you were safe and I wanted to feel more of that,” he hummed. “You were so warm and you still are… I miss feeling that.”

He pressed his lips across Haru’s skin from his neck and down to his shoulder. The redhead wrapped his arms around Haru, one hand on his chest and the other resting on his stomach, it was hard for him not to hold on tightly. “You have such a soft heart.”

-


	5. Chapter 5

Haru couldn’t really sleep so he just laid in his bed, silently reminiscing the good times as he seemed to keep doing, it was a fruitless attempt at trying to ease his loss. But the fact was, Rin was gone and he …it was too soon to just let it go. If he had his way with his current train of thought, he would never forget.

He felt a warmth overcome him as he laid there silently, “You really are here…” Haru sighed because every time he felt this way, he just knew it was Rin. It had to be! No one else could cause this kind of warmth to fill his heart.

But this time, this time it started to feel a bit more intimate somehow. He could swear he felt Rin’s arms tightly around him. He could also swear that soft lips were tracing the nape of his neck and wandering off. Haru softly gasped because it was strange yet not unwelcome in the least. In fact, he wanted to get lost in this even if it would be downright nuts to anyone who would’ve saw.

But the fact was, he was alone in his room, in a house that felt empty expect for the fact that he could feel Rin. He could feel him stronger than ever.

Haru tried to hold onto an arm that he was sure was around him. He stayed where he was afraid too much movement might make it all just stop. His heart had the strongest reaction with the way it beat in his chest like there was something to anticipate or maybe it was just a small hope there.

This only made him long more to see Rin or at least hear his voice. Which maybe something was granting that because all of the sudden he swore he did hear Rin say something. Or maybe it was because he could swear that that warm breath was right around the back of his neck, right where he thought Rin may’ve kissed him somehow.

"I can feel you…Rin. I don’t know how or why but I can feel arms around me and I … Was that your lips at my neck?" Or am I really losing it?

-

Those words were almost enough to make him freeze but Rin was very happy to hear it. He had been wondering when Haru would sense him, he didn’t think Haru was aware of spiritual presences but this was nice. He smiled and brought his wing in closer to Haru, the tips of the feathers trailing against his leg. Rin wondered if he’d feel it.

Rin was almost certain he could feel Haru touching him but he saw that their arms were very close to one another. Did that count? Maybe. If it did, then Rin was likely the most close he had ever been to Haru physically. But that didn’t mean that Rin had stopped kissing Haru’s neck, even sparing a little bite.

He sighed along Haru’s neck, nuzzling him before he heard Haru speak again. It was so weird to hear that, it made Rin laugh softly and nod, his grip tightening on Haru. “Yeah, I was kissing your neck, I’m sorry about the bite but I’d always wanted to do that,” he laughed.

Maybe this being dead thing wasn’t so bad.

Who was he kidding? It was terrible. Being dead was probably one of the worst positions Rin had ever been in, even if he had let the idea of suicide cross his mind before coming back to Samezuka. That didn’t mean he’d tried it though.

"If I could, I’d make love to you right here. Who knows, maybe angels can do that too?" Rin pressed his chest and hips against Haru’s back and body. He tried threading their fingers together and found himself sighing once again, maybe he shouldn’t be torturing Haru like this… "I can leave if my presence here hurts you," he offered.

-

Something made his leg tickle which he almost didn’t notice because he could still feel the kisses at the back of his neck and what he thought felt like Rin’s teeth. Just that though alone made his skin tingle but feeling it was much more so.

It was no wonder within that moment that Haru softly moaned Rin’s name. It made him wonder what exactly was possible in such an unusual predicament. Though he loved the feel of Rin’s lips almost too much to move, Haru rolled over to try and face Rin because judging by those kisses that was where he was.

Haru closed his eyes, picturing Rin in his mind because it made it more real. For now maybe this was the only way to ‘see’ him. Because feeling him seemed to grow stronger with every passing moment.

"Even if this is strange, it feels nice. I’m glad at least you are with me in some way, shape or form. Don’t go until you have to?" Haru wasn’t sure how it worked for someone who had passed on but he had also heard of angels wandering the earth though he had never physically seen one. Was Rin really an angel as he had pictured in his mind? He could see his sweet friend being one because Haru had always thought Rin could be rather angelic when he wanted to.

He was softly chuckling at that but that stopped when he swore he heard Rin again. Or it sure as hell sounded like him. Something about making love or leaving. Haru’s heart sped up because it hadn’t crossed his mind they could maybe go that far. Maybe it would ease his regrets on such things or maybe it was wrong to want Rin in such a way…when he was gone.

But frankly if that was the case, why could he feel Rin so intensely? It would be almost perfect but yet ironic if he could see him at the same time. Like he wasn’t really passed on so young and in such a …painful manner.

As Haru pictured Rin in his mind, somehow he got a better sense of where he was laying on the bed and he reached out to what felt like Rin’s face. He could even feel how soft it was. It was like he was still alive and still with Haru.

"Don’t go. Don’t even speak of leaving me again….." Haru leaned closer moving slowly till he thought his forehead may be pressed to Rin’s…maybe. "If it is really possible. I want you to do that, Rin. Make me yours…" _Before I really do lose my mind._

-

Just hearing the moan of his name was much more satisfying than it probably should have been. Sure, he’d heard it earlier in the evening, but now? It was so smooth and sweet that Rin almost couldn’t believe it.

He didn’t mind it when Haru turned and almost pulled away so he wouldn’t hurt him. Instead, he got closer and continued to kiss along his neck and shoulder, sucking gently on the smooth skin that he was finding. It was so nice… Rin almost preferred being dead.

"I didn’t want to go in the first place. I was just about to message you when the train wrecked and I doubt that my phone would even be sent back here. There were so many things that I wanted to send you, to tell you, to experience with you while I was alive. I’m so grateful to be able to just be here now."

Maybe the words weren’t getting through but Rin thought it may have been the sensations from himself that were causing it if Haru could feel him. Either that or he really was driving Haru insane, he’d know if the other answered to something he hadn’t even asked. He just hoped it didn’t come to that.

The raven’s words had him pausing with his forehead against Haru’s. Just what… Ohh. OH. Rin’s eyes widened when Haru suggested that, practically telling him to do it. “I… how? I mean, I know how-how, but… Me in you, or the other way around?” He couldn’t even believe this was being discussed, it was like something straight out of Ghost. Now, Rin just had to worry about some kind of demon things coming to take him away from Haru.

-

The kisses he felt at his neck became more intense, he hoped it left a mark. Physical proof would make him feel more sane but maybe if he could get this lost in Rin, his sanity was worth losing.

Haru reached down, removing his shirt from his body along with his boxers, if he was going to feel Rin then he wanted to feel as much of him as possible. Nothing in the way.

Maybe he didn’t hear everything Rin said, for some reason it was like bad reception. But he could sense him so profoundly now, could feel every little touch and his body was so sensitive to it all.

He wanted Rin.

He could feel Rin press his forehead more firmly against his own. Haru sighed, it was him. He was here. He was not crazy. It was too damn real, it felt so real. “Yes…” Haru sighed, “…you in me. I want to feel you in the most intimate way possible. I want to give myself over to you and just forget all this sorrow. Please Rin….”

Haru wrapped his arms around Rin as one lone tear fell from his eye, “I love you so much. I always have. I should’ve told you…”

-

Rin was intending on making little marks all along Haru’s skin if he could manage to do so. That was one of his main goals in this. What was new was the fact that Haru was undressing and seemed to want him. The angel stared at the raven laying there with him and Rin found that he couldn’t exactly think.

"You already have told me, I’ve watched you all day baby." He hoped somehow whatever he was saying was getting to Haru even if it were coming off strangely. The redhead kissed Haru back and began rolling them both so that Haru was underneath him.

For some reason, Rin could already press his hips against Haru as if he hadn’t been wearing a white tuxedo all day. The sensations that went through him had the redhead gasping but he had enough sense to lick his fingers to reach down and prepare Haru for this. If health class taught him one thing, it was that someone’s rectum couldn’t lubricate itself.

He was trying his absolute best to be gentle with Haru, watching his face quietly just in time to lean down to kiss him. He nipped at Haru’s lips and kissed him harder, trying to pour as much of his love into it as he could. He only pulled back so that he could get a breath, unable to tell if he were breathing out of habit or if he actually needed to.

"You’re so beautiful, so gorgeous… I hope that this can make up for everything that you’re going to miss now that I’m dead. I may not even be visible to you or… this could all just be a dream, but I’m not going to stop. I won’t leave you. Haruka, I love you."

-

He could feel Rin’s weight over him, he could sense how gentle he was being treated. He could feel skin on skin which made him gasp softly. Haru let his legs fall open to make it easier as he felt Rin’s fingers inside him. He was very gentle with Haru, this made Haru’s heart race with anticipation.

He kissed Rin back when he felt his lips again, more passionately than he had previously. He finally heard Rin clear as day. Heard him saying sweet things which only made him want to surrender to the redhead more.

"Good…" He groaned softly. It wasn’t really clear that he was saying it because of Rin’s words of staying at his side until he spoke more that is. "Because I need you." He needed him, he wanted him and he could hardly believe he was really here like this.

The last wish he had was to hopefully see Rin, he closed his eyes so that he could at least envision him again and it made the feelings of Rin’s touches more profound.

Haru pushed against the fingers to encourage Rin, it felt rather odd because he wasn’t used to it but he slowly started feeling good.

The better it felt, the more he pushed against Rin. The more he desired to feel Rin inside him. But he didn’t voice it because he was in no rush. He didn’t want it to be over when it had barely started.

Rin hit some spot and Haru’s voice rang out across the room, it had hurt at first and even burned slightly but not now. When it had, he had just gone along anyway. He wanted this far too much to do anything to cause it to stop.

Haru’s voice cracked for a moment, he leaned closer to Rin and searched for his lips. When he found them he kissed him in an almost desperate way because he just wanted this. Wanted Rin at least once. He was grateful for whatever it was that caused him to feel Rin near, fell his touches and sense him even if he couldn’t see him.

-

As much as he loved hearing that, it still broke Rin’s heart. “I’ll be here as long as you want me, baby,” he whispered. Rin made sure that he was stretching Haru properly, slipping another to scissor the fingers and try to get Haru used to it.

Large wings were tucked against his back to keep from hurting Haru accidentally. Now that he could be felt, Rin didn’t want to hurt Haru unintentionally, that wasn’t an option. Red eyes were watching Haru carefully, a small smile stretching across his face when he saw the other enjoying it.

He peppered little kisses along Haru’s inner thighs and down to his hips, slightly surprised at the way Haru’s voice reverberated off the walls. It was a beautiful sound and made Rin almost impossibly harder. “Gorgeous, I want to hear more of you.”

Those fingers started torturing that area, rubbing slowly just as Rin got up on his knees. The only other thing he had for lubricant was spit and Rin started making sure that his cock was as wet as it could be. He didn’t want to hurt Haru, that was the last thing he wanted.

After a few moments, Rin lined himself up, both hands on Haru’s hips, and began pushing into him. “I’m sorry, I know it’ll hurt…” He moved very slowly, making sure to keep his eyes on Haru’s face.

-

Haru gripped the sheets as the feeling of Rin’s fingers grew more intense with the adding of a finger and the way they were moving inside him. He couldn’t hold back the soft panting and moans it caused.

His body pushed against them as he seemed to be hitting some sweet spot inside Haru so well, like he was some expert but he probably wasn’t. He probably just lucked out somehow.

He could feel Rin’s lips over his thighs, finding them to be rather sensitive. He’d never been this turned on.

When he finally felt Rin’s cock slide in, he heard him clear as ever. Maybe it did hurt at first but this was Haru’s first time. (And maybe his last…) He bit his lip and then smiled as it started to feel good.

"It didn’t hurt for long, its worth being able to do this with you…" Haru spoke softly between pants but was soon unable to say much more expect that he really just wanted Rin to "please move…"

Haru wrapped his legs around Rin’s waist, his hands around his neck and he waited, knowing Rin was being careful with him and maybe a little more so than need be but it made Haru feel appreciated and cherished.  
-

Something in him wanted to beg for a second chance at life just so that he could be there to love and take care of Haru. That was the one thing that he wanted to do more than anything in the world. He was panting, almost certain that he would end up cumming as soon as he moved.

He did move at Haru’s request, thrusting shallowly before finally pulling out to the tip and shoving back in. Rin lifted Haru over his hips and sat up on his knees, thrusting up into him. Small gasps and low moans left him while he was doing this, his grip tightening on Haru’s hips. His wings wrapped around Haru to encase him, the redhead letting out a little noise.

"I love you, Haru," he whispered. "I’m addicted to you and not just because of this. I-I fell in love with you when I was younger, I just didn’t know what it was, and then I just… I left. And that race, when I quit swimming, I didn’t mean to hurt you like that. There’s so much I regret doing to you, Haru, but so much more I regret not getting the chance to do. I’m sorry you had to see what happened to me, I’m so sorry…"

He kissed and licked at Haru’s neck and shoulder before turning his face up so that he could press their lips together. He couldn’t get enough of the beautiful taste of Haru. It was more than enjoyable for him.

-

As Haru felt Rin’s cock fill him, he couldn’t help the moans as he attempted to say Rin’s name. Since at the moment, he still couldn’t see Rin, Haru closed his eyes and pictured him as he listened to him speak. As he felt him in the most intimate way possible and heard him clearer than ever before. He sighed at the new type of high he seemed to feel from it all.

He heard Rin say he loved him. He heard everything that was said this time. He could hear him so well, feel him like he was still alive and Haru couldn’t help the desire to see him and maybe that was why.

He opened his eyes but in his current state it took him a moment to realize that he could see him, it was faint but it was Rin. Haru couldn’t really speak as yet more moans escaped his lips. He felt safe in a way he never had before and he felt a strange contentment perhaps because he knew Rin knew he loved him.

Finally.

Feeling Rin at his neck, Haru whispered softly knowing that Rin’s ear was closer to his lips at the moment. “I - I can see….” It was so hard to speak at the moment, as Rin seem to hit just the right place. “Rin!!” Haru gripped at Rin’s shoulders firmly, slightly digging his nails in as he felt Rin deep inside.

-

He couldn’t get over the beauty that was Haru under him, Rin had never seen a more beautiful sight as Haru right then. He was truly gorgeous and Rin adored seeing him like that. Rin just wished he’d gotten the chance before he’d died.

Those eyes on him made Rin’s thrusts become uneven and disjointed, he couldn’t believe that Haru was looking right at him and it made his heart race. Of course, it was probably just his soul’s normal response to Haru ever looking at him. He couldn’t quite get over it but Rin did appreciate it.

He grinned and pulled back enough to look at Haru and watched his face, moving his hips harder and faster. He wanted to see that reaction from Haru, Rin wanted to make him call out like that again. The angel gripped Haru’s hips and began taking him a little better than he had before, with much more confidence.

"I want to watch you come undone," Rin whispered. "I loved seeing you in the bath earlier but I want to feel it when you do, please. I hope you get to keep seeing me after this." He pressed his lips to Haru’s, kissing him and letting out a small noise.

-

Maybe Rin had heard him, yes Rin knew Haru could see him now and his initial reaction seemed to be of shock or something because the way he was moving inside Haru changed and seemed a little clumsy for a moment. That didn’t change how good it felt because Haru was so sensitive from all the penetration as this had been going on for a while now.

His thrusts felt as if Rin had gained full control over himself once more and Haru could feel him moving even harsher and in somewhat of a frenzy. He yelped out Rin’s name as a surge of pleasure hit him and shot up his spine and throughout his entire body. He groaned out Rin’s name and dug his nails into the angel’s back.

He knew he was getting so damn close, but he tried his damnedest to hold on as long as he possibly could. His heart raging in his chest and his breathing a very heavy pant as he soon said Rin’s name several times some audible and some making no sense at all.

The new angle Rin was hitting that sweet spot all over again. Haru wasn’t sure why it felt so damn good but that was all he could take as his body shudder almost feeling like it was being massaged from the inside all over. From the top of his head all the way to the tip of his now curled toes.

-


	6. Chapter 6

Now, more than anything, Rin would have given all that he could in order to be alive again. He felt everything with Haru as if he were but that didn’t mean that Rin wasn’t greedy. He wanted to be there with Haru and actually be alive there, he couldn’t stand it.

The nails in his back were digging deep enough that they brought a loud groan from Rin and he ended up staring openly at Haru. He had a feeling he knew what he was hitting and kept doing it, even pausing slightly to rub the head of his cock against the area. He teased the other as much as he could, panting at the feeling that was encompassing him.

"H-haru, getting close," he breathed. Rin didn’t know how much longer he was going to be able too hold out. Honestly, he found that he loved feeling Haru like this, especially when he was fairly sure it was the only contact they could actually have. Rin didn’t know how long something like this would legitimately stay around for.

Rin held on tightly to Haru and found his hips moving almost uncontrollably once again. He was so close that Rin couldn’t exactly keep himself under control anymore and he wanted all he could produce with Haru. Rin wanted to savor this but his body couldn’t hold on much longer. “I’ll always be here. I’m not leaving this area,” he whispered. “I’ll never leave here.”

-

Haru’s body was already tingling all over, he was already so close but as Rin intentionally (or so it seemed) rubbed his cock into that spot repeatedly. Haru lost any control as his body shuddered and his cock came even without being touched.

He could barely registered Rin’s whispered promise but somehow he heard those words. He heard the promise. Rin would stay. He would have Rin at his side and Haru simply smiled at this as his body was in a euphoria he had never felt before.

Why hadn’t he just told Rin how he felt before he died? The irony that he had been planning to just before Rin died was hard to swallow. Haru bit his lip as he brushed that thought aside.

He knew Rin was close because he was at least coherent enough to registered those words and he groaned with every thrust. Rin was relentlessly giving him. But he understood. He felt the fear too. What if this was the only time they could be this intimate? It was weird that they even could as if some force had taken pity on them and allowed it. 

Thinking this, Haru held onto Rin’s shoulders and lifted himself up as Rin was still thrusting into him and he knew his body couldn’t take much more. “Rin.” He hugged the redhead, pulling their bodies closer together. “Rin let go and cum for me…”

-

Rin shifted slightly, his heavy wings thumping against the wall next to them while Rin was attempting to give Haru exactly what it was that he wanted. He wrapped his arms around Haru and let himself relax just a bit now that he was able to do so.

The angel whined and rested his head on Haru’s shoulder before he emptied into him, moaning his name and squeezing the other closely to his chest. Clearly, Rin was surprised by the action and tried to rest against Haru but he didn’t want to leave him. The pit of his stomach dropped slightly and Rin didn’t let go for a second. 

Even though he’d just came, Rin was tense as a bowstring, his muscles not budging one millimeter. “Haru… I just had a thought. If there are angels, like me, then won’t there be some other things too? I mean… I don’t know what it would be but…”

His hold tightened again and Rin sighed, shaking his head. He really didn’t know what he would do.

-

Even if Rin was dead, the cum still felt warm and it was a bit strange but Haru had never experienced it before so he had no clue. It was over and he could feel Rin’s cock sliding out of him as he hugged the redhead closer. The small fear that Rin could be gone any moment would not leave his mind.

"Probably? You mean like demons or something?"

But then again for all the two of them knew, other creatures like that could all be made up by man. Angels were real because Rin is one but other things Haru had his doubts about.

"Are you curious to know?" Haru asked as he nuzzled against Rin’s neck and squeezed him a bit in the hug.

"You know I am a bit afraid to let go of you and I keep thinking you are just going to vanish at any moment….I mean I can see you now and I can sure as hell fell you but…."

Haru sighed and held Rin tighter. It was so unlike him to be so clingy but this situation wasn’t exactly normal and he was in love with Rin. 

-

"Yeah, just kind of worried about that kind of thing. Hopefully just being here will protect you from anything," he hummed. "No, I don’t think I want to know but if one does show up, I’ll fight them off of you, I promise."

Rin held onto Haru, feeling the same way, and frowned, pressing his face against Haru’s with a soft sigh. He didn’t want this to be temporary. It wasn’t fair to them to simply fade away again but Rin was dead, his body was buried. This was… mostly the end. 

"I know what you mean. I… I should have told you before anything happened. I didn’t know it was going to happen like that. I just thought that… maybe I would have more time than I ended up with." His wings moved up to encase them, trying to find some way to help Haru to come to terms with Rin being gone. 

He kissed him and frowned. “Maybe… I can find a body to get into? Like… maybe just someone in a coma that I can take them over?”

-

Should haves and could haves and all the regrets, it made Haru feel a lump in his throat. “At least, at least you’re here now…..” Haru mumbled before holding Rin tight and sighing. He had a bad feeling and he didn’t like it.

He wanted to keep Rin with him forever or as long as possible but what was happening was anything but normal. Anything but…..

Rin was an angel of all things and he was dead and gone but yet he was here. He was holding Haru and he felt so warm as if he was still…..still alive.

"I love you." Haru felt he needed to say it again, he pressed his lips to Rin’s forehead and soon sighed. "I really do hope you can stay with me…somehow…"

The thought of Rin in someone else’s body was not something Haru had contemplated but if it worked, it would be nice. It wouldn’t look like Rin but he was pretty sure they were soul mates and maybe that was the reason that he could see Rin and feel Rin. 

-

He nodded and held onto Haru as tightly as he could. He didn’t know how much longer this was going to end up continuing. Rin kissed along Haru’s neck and smiled after he pulled back, feeling Haru’s soft lips on his forehead. “Thank you so much, Haru… I love you too.” 

There was a part of him that prayed he could be in another body for Haru but Rin could already feel a weakness in his limbs that hadn’t been there before hearing Haru telling him he loved him. Frowning, Rin thought he knew what it meant and curled up against Haru, his wings still surrounding them. 

During the night, the redhead watched Haru while he was sleeping and kept playing with his hair. He could see himself becoming more transparent but he didn’t stop even when it hurt to move. Rin whispered to Haru about all the things that he had wanted to do with him, everything that they could have done together, and kissed him numerous times. 

It turned out to be in vain, his wings burst from his back and Rin was completely transparent, several dozen long and soft feathers resting on the bed around Haru. There was a distinct pain in Rin’s chest but he didn’t mind it, the dull ache made him smile bitterly and he smiled at Haru’s form. 

"You’re so beautiful, Haru. I knew the second I laid eyes on you that you were the one for me, it was so new when I was younger that I didn’t know those warm feelings in my chest were because I had found my home in you. I’ll come back, I know I will, I don’t know how but I’ll find you again. We’re connected and Haru? …I love you so much." 

Rin wiped the tears from his cheeks and gave a tiny whine, not wanting to leave. His time was up though. 

While the sun was rising, Rin started to dissipate into light particles, leaving nothing but his own scent and the white feathers around Haru.

-

He didn’t remember when he fell asleep, he felt peaceful as he did. Morning came too soon though, Haru woke and swore for a moment that he felt Rin’s lips in him. He smiled to himself ”Rin…” But then he realized the bed was a bit cold, he slowly opened his eyes and gazed over the room. Rin wasn’t there. He was simply gone, Haru wondered if he had been dreaming all this time.

Maybe, maybe the whole thing had been a dream and Rin…Rin wasn’t really dead. But as he realized he was still naked and there was a slight ache making it apparent that the shared intimacy the prior night was all too real. Haru jumped from his bed and looked all over his house.

But he didn’t find Rin. The only proof that he had been there was his smell on Haru’s bed and feather that must’ve been from his wings. “Rin? Rin….RIN!” Haru screamed much like the day he was running after Rin before the relay. But this time, finding Rin didn’t seem like it was going to happen.

Haru curled up on his bed and hugged his pillow close because it smelled like Rin. It smelled like last night and it was soon soaked as Haru held it too tightly. He…he really was gone. He….he was really gone.

And this time, this time it felt more permanent. The feeling he had the night prior was like some warning and it was like some higher force had taken pitty on him and let him see the boy he loved so damn much but only for a short time. He was able to tell him he loved him. He was able to kiss him, hug him and hold him.

He was able to make love with him at least once. But no more…..

It was bittersweet. It was more than he could ask for at the same time. Perhaps wherever Rin is now, when Haru’s life comes to an end. Perhaps he will once more see Rin again. This was all he had left, his hope to someday see Rin again.

His angel. 

-

While the other was mourning the loss of the angel, there was a tiny white body on the windowsil, pecking the glass as it was preening pearly feathers. A tiny hoot and tilts of its head had the dove watching Haru. 

Near him, the feathers on the bed ruffled slightly as a breeze slipped through the window, the bird cooing louder at him. It was a soft trilling noise, slightly muffled by the glass, but the bird was trying to get Haru’s attention. There was a red string in its mouth, hanging on either side of it’s beak. 

Another loud trilling and the bird jumped at the sound of Makoto knocking on the door. “Haru-chan? …Haru-chan, you should come on out, it’s almost time for school,” he called. And with that, the dove slipped the little red string, tied in a bow, under the window to flutter in onto Haru’s bed before taking off. 

It seemed that life was simply going to go on without Rin in it.


End file.
